Supply: Jayne Mattson
(co-authored with Jayne Mattson)
Whether or not we’re networking for a brand new job, becoming a member of a brand new group, or assembly our new neighbors, all of us wish to make an awesome first impression. However usually we could be our personal worst enemy and sabotage first impressions by speaking an excessive amount of or too little about ourselves.
One among us (Jayne Mattson, a profession guide and Founding father of CareerEngage) has developed a simple-but-effective technique to make sure we make optimistic first impressions with these with meet.
She means that the following time you introduce your self (or get launched) to somebody new, keep in mind 4 phrases:
YOU…YOU…ME…YOU
After the preliminary handshake and identify trade, get different individuals speaking about themselves (YOU…YOU) by asking questions, displaying curiosity, and following up with extra inquiries to be taught extra about their background and pursuits. Then discover a possibility to share one thing about your self (…ME) after which attempt to finish the dialog with a renewed concentrate on them (…YOU).
In different phrases, one of the best technique for making an awesome first impression is NOT by making an attempt to impress different individuals with your personal qualities and success, however by making certain they stroll away from the dialog 1) feeling heard, valued and energized and a couple of) studying one thing optimistic and memorable about you.
Speaking Too A lot
In her years of teaching, Jayne has discovered that some individuals have a tendency to speak an excessive amount of about themselves. Some do it out of nervousness or worry of awkward pauses in conversations (and what these pauses indicate). For others it’s just because they acquire power by speaking and might’t assist themselves. For a couple of it’s an unhealthy ego and a perception they’re one of the crucial fascinating individuals on the planet.
Both means, as a substitute of YOU…YOU…ME…YOU the dialog finally ends up both:
ME…ME…ME…ME (and never solely do you look self-absorbed however you additionally bore different individuals to dying)
YOU…ME…ME…ME (and it turns into apparent that you simply’re not that inquisitive about them)
ME…ME…ME…YOU (and the token show of curiosity on the finish comes off as patronizing)
Speaking Too Little
On the flip facet, Jayne has discovered that some individuals have a tendency to speak too little about themselves. For some it’s nervousness or uncertainty round what to say about themselves. For others it’s the issue of getting “air time” amongst extremely talkative individuals. Both means, as a substitute of YOU…YOU…ME…YOU the dialog finally ends up principally YOU…YOU…YOU…YOU. Whereas others might stroll away from the dialog feeling energized, they keep in mind nothing about you or why a continued relationship is likely to be helpful (aside from that you simply’re a superb listener).
Avoiding Conversational Ping Pong
Should you’re fortunate and also you’re interacting with somebody who additionally understands this technique, you’ll possible have a extra balanced, give-and-take dialog that energizes and satisfies each of you. However don’t assume that each one conversations must be both ME…YOU…ME…YOU or YOU…ME…YOU…ME. Conversations not often move in such a inflexible back-and-forth means, and in case you’re ready for the opposite particular person to reciprocate with a query each time you ask one, you’ll possible set your self up for frustration.
The way to Make YOU…YOU…ME…YOU Work
Jayne gives these six tricks to make this a profitable technique:
- Attempt to ask 3-4 questions of the opposite particular person earlier than speaking about your self.
- Construct your subsequent query off what they’ve simply stated. This exhibits you’re paying consideration.
- Don’t overlook the non-verbals. Present you’re interested in periodically establishing eye contact and leaning ahead.
- As you begin to speak about your self, use what you’ve discovered in regards to the different particular person to selectively emphasize issues that you’ve got in frequent.
- Because the dialog naturally reaches its finish, ask yet another query to convey the main focus again to the opposite particular person. Search for alternatives to be useful, whether or not it’s offering data, recommendation, assist, or simply momentary companionship.
- If it appears proper, counsel assembly once more to proceed the dialog, and trade contact data. Place your future assembly as a possibility for mutual profit.
All it Takes is Observe
In fact, YOU…YOU…ME…YOU isn’t a strict formulation. However reminding your self about it simply earlier than you meet somebody new may help you keep away from the traps of speaking an excessive amount of or too little, and make sure the different particular person walks away with not solely a superb first impression however a willingness to work together with you down the highway. And all of it begins with displaying curiosity in others. As Dale Carnegie as soon as stated “You can also make extra mates in two months by changing into inquisitive about different individuals than you possibly can in two years by making an attempt to get different individuals inquisitive about you!”
First Impressions Important Reads
Jayne has used YOU…YOU…ME…YOU with lots of her teaching purchasers and so they’ve discovered it a easy method to cut back nervousness, construct confidence, and enhance their willingness to place themselves on the market and construct the relationships they should discover success and happiness.
