John: [00:03:44] From my recollection, I informed her fairly early on, most likely instantly after dental faculty. I informed her that I used to be about $450,000 in debt, totaling from undergrad and dental faculty as properly, and that was about it. That was the primary time I informed her.
Ramit Sethi: [00:04:05] What was her response whenever you informed her that quantity?
John: [00:04:07] Her response, I bear in mind, was it was quite a bit simply because in comparison with hers, I felt like she had some assist from her household, which is superior. I like her mother quite a bit. So, her response was one in all shock.
Ramit Sethi: [00:04:22] Yesterday, proper earlier than this name, they stuffed out a questionnaire, the place they included their monetary particulars. Wendy didn’t know the way a lot debt they really had, and when she noticed the quantity, let’s simply say, she was stunned.
Wendy: [00:04:36] He was filling out the questionnaire. I believe that’s after I was like, oh, yeah, so how a lot is that quantity now? And I’m anticipating it to be approach much less, as a result of we completed dental faculty 10-plus years. So then, after I heard the quantity get greater, and I used to be like, oh, no. So, I assume recently-
Ramit Sethi: [00:04:53] Yeah. What was your feeling whenever you heard that quantity increased than it was, not decrease?
Wendy: [00:05:02] Trepidation. Yeah, concern. It’s like I need to cry like, oh, my God, how come it’s not getting any decrease?
Ramit Sethi: [00:05:12] Did you two speak about it whenever you heard that quantity?
Wendy: [00:05:17] Type of. I believe he was identical to, it’s okay, it’s high quality, it’ll be high quality. He was simply form of like, it’ll be okay, Wendy. Prefer it’s my drawback. I’m going to deal with it.
Ramit Sethi: [00:05:30] Discover that tactic, one associate telling the opposite, don’t fear about it, after which layering on, it’s my drawback, which isn’t very satisfying in a relationship with two individuals. While you hear that, how do you react to that?
Wendy: [00:05:47] It’s positively annoying.
Ramit Sethi: [00:05:50] What do you imply?
Wendy: [00:05:51] I’m on the aspect, saying like, I need to enable you to, like we’re a household, and he’s like, I’m this macho man, I can deal with myself.
Ramit Sethi: [00:06:01] Numerous males are raised with a deep perception that we’ve got to deal with our household financially. And till not too long ago, that was very, quite common. That perception is so deep, it’s so invisible that I name it an invisible script.
Ramit Sethi: [00:06:15] Are you a macho man?
John: [00:06:17] No, I don’t think about myself to be a macho man. I felt prefer it was one thing that I selected to undertake. It was my accountability. Even earlier than we obtained married, even earlier than we obtained engaged, I felt like that is my alternative, it’s my accountability, so why would I knowingly have my spouse undertake that accountability, too? As a result of she’s already paying her personal loans, and she or he’s virtually completed, proper? So, why within the hell would I need to add much more onto her plate?
